Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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