i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
