I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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