And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
