I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
