the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
