My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I FOUND THE LEGS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
