So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well you can't waste a boner
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
