Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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