considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
