Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
