Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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