4 words: hood of his car
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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