We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
