Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
