people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dick very happy bro
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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