I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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