When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
im on a boat
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