Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
