I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I understand Curling. That high.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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