Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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