Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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