If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
