You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
