Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
