Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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