all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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