im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
