you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
