Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
