Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
