I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
