She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
