wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
