im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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