Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
