She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
