He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
