We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
