i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
