First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
