Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
