your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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