I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
