Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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