Yo dont text me then not text me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
