Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
