you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
