Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
