party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
