I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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