Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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