You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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