Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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