Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
