Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
