Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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