naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
