I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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