But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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