I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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