I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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