Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
