We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
